A May Date

It’s not fair that Theresa May should be constantly pressurised to give a date for her leaving office, after all she is the Prime Minister.

Rather, she should give a time: how about 2pm this afternoon?

 

Yesterday, upon the stair

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish he’d go away…

When I came home last night at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door… (slam!)

Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away…

Newspeak

The latest Newspeak list has been released by the EU.

All new words and terms are mandatory and come into effect immediately.

EU becomes The Fourth Reich

Diesel car owner becomes Murderer

Person drinking with a straw becomes Whale Murderer

Global Warming becomes Climate Change

Winter becomes Freak weather event caused by Climate Change

High Tide becomes Rising Sea Levels

 

SIlence

I just watched  The Silence on Netflix.

There is a common sequence of events in all post-apocalyptic scenarios which we can use as guidance:

You’ve survived an end-of-days event or are in a film of that nature. You and your attractive partner scavenger through the ruins dodging some threat or other.

As you venture further afield you both wonder if you are the only two people left alive.

You begin to lose all hope of ever finding another living person. One day, you happen upon a man. He is friendly, happy to meet you and is eager to help you.

SHOOT HIM.

British MP working in a shop

Customer: “Good Morning or Afternoon. Can I have a pint of Milk, Please

British MP working in a shop: “There’s a tin of beans and some sandpaper”.

Customer: “But I wanted a pint of Milk

British MP working in a shop: “I know better. When you said you wanted a pint of Milk what you really was a tin of beans and some sandpaper

Customer: “But I wanted a pint of Milk

British MP working in a shop: “Shut your face. I decide what you’re having. Now pay me more than this stuff is worth and get lost

EU elections

Just taken delivery of my Polling Card for the EU elections which “We’re not having”.

Oh, to be in a real democracy like China or Venezuela.

We voted to leave the Fourth Reich so why are we having to vote in their sham elections?

Praise the Lord for Nigel Farage and the Brexit Party – our last chance to save Britain.

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